Nobody reads the fine print because it’s fucking illegible!!

English Bill of Rights (1689)

  • The lords & common at Westminster represent all the people in the country & met on 2/13/1688 (Unfortunately, that was a Friday) presenting to King William & Queen Mary a declaration
  • The late & not so great James II tried to get rid of Protestantism & our nation’s laws & liberties
    1. He took the power to dispense with laws without Parliament’s permission
    2. Punishing those wishing to have nothing to do with that
    3. Establishing a Royal Court for Church causes
    4. Taxing the people for his own pocket money
    5. Raising & keeping a standing army in peacetime without Parliament’s permission
    6. Disarming Protestants & arming Catholics
    7. Blocking elected MPs from serving in Parliament
    8. Prosecuting in his own court people in an arbitrary manner
    9. Juries were staffed with crooks & loons, especially in cases of treason
    10. Setting excessively high bails
    11. Inordinate fines & cruel/illegal punishments
    12. Fining the accused before a verdict was issued
      • All abominable actions
  • Since James abdicated, Parliament is asking the Prince of Orange to uphold our laws, customs & religion
  • In order to prevent the actions above from happening again, Parliament states
    1. Suspending laws without Parliament’s consent is illegal
    2. Dispensing with laws is illegal
    3. Establishing a church court is illegal
    4. Raising taxes for your own pocket money without Parliament’s consent is illegal
    5. It’s the right of your subjects to petition the king – attempts to block that are illegal
    6. Raising & keeping a standing army in peacetime without Parliament’s permission is illegal
    7. Protestants may have arms for defense
    8. Free elections of MPs are going to happen!
    9. Freedom of speech & debates in Parliament can’t be impeached or questioned in any court except in Parliament
    10. No excessive bail, fines, or cruel & unusual punishment
    11. Jurors for cases high treason must be freeholders
    12. Grants/promises of fines & forfeitures for particular people are illegal
    13. To redress grievances & amend laws, parliament is to be held frequently
      • Nothing is to be done without Parliament’s permission!!

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