“Resolutions when I Come to Be Old” by Jonathan Swift (1709)

• Don’t marry a young woman
• Don’t keep company unless they really want it
• Don’t be angry, sad, envious or suspicious
• Don’t complain about the modern area
• Don’t like children
• Don’t tell the same story over & over
• Don’t neglect decency or hygiene
• Don’t be too hard on the young
• Don’t listen to gossip or tattling
• Don’t give unsolicited advice
• Find friends to let you know if you’re slipping up
• Don’t talk much, especially about yourself
• Don’t boast of past glories
• Don’t listen to flattery
• Don’t think you can land a young lady
• Don’t seek a legacy
• Don’t be too opinionated
• Don’t observe all of these rules too closely.